Funny jokes on business sense of Gujaratis

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Gujarati jokes1

Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome, Italy. One has a Cross in front of him; the other one is holding the Star of David. Many people go by, look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the Cross.

The Pope comes by. He stops to watch the throngs of people giving money to the beggar who holds the Cross while none give to the beggar holding the Star of David. Finally, the Pope approaches the beggar with the Star of David and says,

“My poor fellow, don’t you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism. People aren’t going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you’re sitting beside a beggar who is holding a Cross. In fact, they would probably give more money to him just out of spite.” The beggar with the Star of David listened to the Pope, smiled, and turned to the beggar with the Cross and said,  “Jignessbhai, look who’s trying to teach the Patel brothers about bijness!”

________________________________________

A man approached a Gujarati in Ahmedabad Railway Station.

“Sir, I have lost my purse and all my money in it. I need ₹150 for rail ticket and another ₹ 50 for the bus fare to reach home. Will you help me?

Gujju gave this brilliant suggestion.

“Does your family have a mobile phone?
“Yes sir!”

“Take my mobile. Call your family. Give my mobile number. Ask them to recharge ₹200 for my phone. Take ₹ 200 from me after that.”

Can anyone beat a Gujju in business sense ?

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Best Alia Bhatt jokes worth a laugh | Whatsapp

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Alia Bhatt

Alia Bhatt – Safola oil toh de diya bhaiya. Is kee sath ka gift nahi diya.

Shopkeeper –  Isske sath koyi gift nahi hai.

Alia – Ullu matt banao isme likha hai “Cholesterol Free” 😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡                  😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😜😜😜😜😜😜😜

Alia Bhatt calls the Help Desk to complain a computer problem.

Alia – When I type computer password, it just shows star star star star. What’s the problem?

Help Desk – Dear lady, those stars are to protect you, so that if a person is standing behind, he can’t read your password.

Alia – Yeah, but stars appear even when there is no one standing behind me.

Help Desk – 😳🔫
😄😜

_______________________

Varun Dhawan – How many apples can you eat on an empty stomach?

Alia – I can eat 6 apples.

Varun – Wrong. you can eat only 1 apple on empty stomach bcoz when you eat the 2nd apple that’s not an empty stomach!

Alia Bhatt: Wow superb joke. I’ll tell my friend..

Alia to Shraddha Kapoor – How many apples you can eat on an empty stomach?

Shraddha – I can eat 10.

Alia Bhatt- Pagal.. 6 bolti to mast joke sunati!! 😰😜😫😂😇

_________________________________

First time in history this has happened….!

Rajinikant vs Alia.

Question to both in a competition.

What is half of 8?

Rajini: 4

Alia: Depend karta hai ….

agar horizontally half karo to ”0” or vertically karo to ”3”

😳 Rajinikant still unconcious…!!!
————

Alia Bhatt: Hey dad, what plans for weekend ?

Mahesh bhatt: Income Tax Returns.

Alia Bhatt: Hey first part kab release hua tha?

Mahesh Bhatt:  Jaa meri ma, tu shooting pe ja!!!

😜😜😱😝👏😊👍😝😝

100 metre ki race ho rahi thi…

Referee said ‘1,2,3 GO!’…

Everybody started running except Alia Bhatt.

Referee – Y r u not running…?

Alia – My number is 4.

😝😝😝😝😝

SBI Bank: Humara bank aapko bina interest ke loan de raha hai….

Alia bhat: Agar dene mein interest hi nahi hai to kyu de rahe ho? Nahi chahiye….

😜😝😜😝👏

Once there was a mirror that killed anyone who lied…

FRENCH : I think I dont smoke (died).

AMERICAN : I think I love my wife (died).

ALIA BHATT: I think.. (died)😝

😱👍😊😜😝

Alia Bhatt and Varun Dhawan are walking on a road, and they find a 1000 rupee note lying down.

Alia – What should we do now?

Varun- We’ll take 50:50.

Alia- What about the remaining 900?
😬😵😵😵😬

Alia Bhatt: Let’s go for movie.
Varun: Shit, I’ve got a doctor’s appointment today..

Alia Bhatt: Just cancel it,Tell him you’re sick.😄😂😁😁😁

😝😜😛😛😊

Alia reading newspaper..

News:
“Indian athlete lost gold medal in long jump”

Aalia comments:
Idiot !!
Who told him to wear gold medal while jumping!!!
😅😃😜😝😀

Deepika Padukone : I have more Fans than You..
👍👍
Alia Bhatt: No Big deal, I have AC at Home. 😀😀😀

 

Don’t miss out on #PornBan and other JOKES on News Hour India. Check Humour section of this website

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Porn sites banned: Coolest jokes trending on Whatsapp

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Sunny Leone
Ab aane wali Generation Sunny Leone Ko Keval Bollywood Actress ke Taur par hi Janegi  !!
#PornBan
———-////////————
Interviewer: What is your name?
Girl: Ima
Interviewer: But online application entry says Pornima??
Girl: I had applied on 31st July… Before ban!! 😂#porn sites banned
Maggi ban हुई थी तो लड़को ने लड़कियों का बड़ा मजाक उड़ाया था कि अब क्या cook करोगीलग गई बद्दुआ,
हो गई Porn Ban😓
😂😂
porn ban
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 Internet pornography banned
Click below for Other Whatsapp jokes

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A Husband’s point of view – Jokes for Whatsapp

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Husband

We keep hearing a wife’s rules but Finally a Husband has taken the time to put forth his point of view. 😝

So these are the husband’s RULES who have so far only been listening to their other (not better) half.

These are our rules! Please note.. they are all numbered “1” ON PURPOSE!

1. Husbands ARE NOT mind readers. So don’t think of them as one

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Just ASK for what you want. Let us be clear on this: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. Consult a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted in two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one .

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible , Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1.  ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football, cars, bikes or games

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. U r in shape….. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

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Best suspense joke for Whatsapp – Funny

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Suspense1

We have been sharing with our readers a number of jokes worth forwarding on Whatsapp and other messaging services and also Facebook. And this latest one is the best suspense joke till date😜. Please share on Facebook and other social networks as this will help us and keep us going.
A Father was lying down on bed with his three-year-old daughter. He told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying,
“God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa.”

The father asked his daughter, ‘Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?’

The little girl replied, “I don’t know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do.”

The next day grandpa died.

The father thought it was a strange coincidence.

A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this,
“God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma.”

The next day the grandmother died.

“Holy crap” thought the father, “This kid is in contact with the other world.”

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, “God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy.”

He practically went into shock. He couldn’t sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office.

He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock.. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said,
“I’ve never seen you work so late. What’s the matter?”

He said, “I don’t want to talk about it, I’ve just spent the worst day of my life.”

She said, “You think you had a bad day, you’ll never believe what happened to me. This morning my boss died in the middle of a meeting 😜😝😝😂😂

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Best husband wife jokes – worth Whatsapp

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Husband-Wife-Joke1

🔴Husband: I found Aladin’s lamp today.

Wife: wow, what did you ask for darling??

Husband: I asked him to increase your brain ten times..

Wife: oh..jaan..love you so much.. Did he do that??

Husband: He laughed and said multiplication doesn’t apply on zero.
😎😎😎
🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹
🔴Ek Aadmi ne conductor se pucha: Aap kitne ghante bus me rehte ho ?

Conductor: 24 hours.

Aadmi: Wo kaise?

Conductor: 8 ghante city bus me, Baaki 16 ghante biwi ke “BASME”.!
😫😫😫
🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹
🔴Employee: Sir You are like a lion in the office! What about at home??

Boss: I am a lion at home too, But Goddess Durga sits on the lion there !
😝😝😝
🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹
🔴A man gifted his wife a diamond necklace for their anniversary and wife didn’t speak to him for 6 months.

Was the necklace FAKE?

Nooooo! That was the deal :)
😜😜😜
🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹
🔴A couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant. As the food was served, the husband said, “the food looks delicious, let’s eat.”

Wife: honey…..you say prayer before eating at home.

Husband: that’s at home sweetheart……here the chef knows how to cook.
😁😁😁
🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹
🔴Best Slogan on a MAN’s T-Shirt :

“Please Do Not Disturb me,
I am Married and already very Disturbed”
😳😳😳
🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹
🔴Bhakt: Swami ji, aisi Patni ko kya kahte hai jo Gori ho, Lambi ho, ho, Inteligent ho, Pati ko samjhe, Or kabhi jhagda n kare?

Swami: Mann ka Vaham kahte hain Beta, Mann ka Vaham!!!!
😂😅😂
🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹
Shortest Joke !
Santa: meri biwi jawaan hai.
Banta: toh border pe bhej de😂😜

 

Why Boys get Blocked on whataspp:😄😄😄
Boy: What’s your Name ?? 😜
Girl: Palak and you??
Boy: Paneer !!!😂😂😂

*BLOCKED!!!*

Girl: What’s UP ?😊
Boy: Uttar Pradesh 😆😆😆

*BLOCKED!!!*

Girl : tu Soya hai…?? 😣
Boy : Nahi…! Mungfali hun..!😂😂😂😂😂

*Blocked* 😝

Girl : See ya !☺
Boy: Var Ram chandar ki jai! 😂😂😂😄😄

*BLOCKED!!!* 😛

Girl: Have a Good Day.😉
Boy: No thank you… I like Parle-G .😷😷😂😂

*BLOCKED turant!!!*

Boy- Thank you😊
Girl- My Pleasure😌
Boy- My Bajaj Pulsar 😄😄😄😂😂😂

*Blocked Forever*

And the best one, 😝

After fight:
Girl: Tum toh mujhe manaate hi nahin!! 😢
Boy: Tum kya ho? Diwali ho? EID ho? Ya Holi?

*BLOCKED!!!

 

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

3,524 total views, 2 views today

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AIB Honest Indian Weddings viral on Youtube

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AIB Honest Indian weddings

All India Bakchod’s latest video is a hilarious yet honest take on arranged marriages in India. The video has been released in two parts on the official AIB Youtube channel and has garnered over 2 million views each on the social networking site in the last few days.

Even Bollywood celebrities have taken to micro blogging site Twitter to appreciate the latest AIB show. Bollywood director Ram Gopal Verma is so enamoured by the comic take on arranged marriages that he even hoped Prime Minister Narendra Modi understands the aphorism. He even urged AIB to use its power of social observation to wake of governments and families to ground realities.

Honest Indian Weddings is AIB’s first full show after the infamous AIB knockout – the roast comedy show involving Bollywood actors Arjun Kapoor and Ranveer Singh.

 

AIB Honest Indian Weddings Part-1 VIDEO here:

 

AIB Honest Indian Weddings Part-2 video

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Trending jokes about Arvind Kejriwal after #AAPSweep in Delhi polls

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DHONI Kejri

दिल्ली में आधा घंटा वाई-फाई मिलेगा, उसके बाद दिनभर घंटा वाई-फाई मिलेगा

IMG-20150210-WA001

Rahul Gandhi called Election Commission to know when will the counting for Congress begin?

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DELHIITES: We are getting Wi-Fi signals if our mobiles are kept near brooms

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Trending jokes on #Whatsapp – VERY FUNNY

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Chintu failed in the final Law Exam & decided to make a deal with the Professor.

Chintu: Sir, Can I ask you one question?

Professor: Yes.

Chintu: If you can answer this question, I will accept my final marks, if you cant, you will have to give me an “A” grading.

Professor agreed.
.
.
.

Chintu asked: “What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal & neither legal nor logical?”

Prof thought about it for hrs & pondered but couldnt think of an answer.

He had to finally give up as he really didnot know the answer.

He gave this boy an “A” grading as promised.

The following day, Professor asked same question to his students.

He was shocked when all of them raised their hands.

He asked one student.

He answered:

Sir, you are 65, married to a 28 yrs old woman, this is legal but not logical.

Your wife, is having an affair with a 23 year old boy, this is logical but not legal.

Your wife’s boyfriend has failed in his exam & yet you have given him an “A”, this is neither logical nor legal.

6,400 total views, 4 views today

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